Baby mamas are unwed mothers of any age. The fathers of their children are baby daddies. “Baby mama drama” has become a common expression for the many conflicts associated with baby mamas. Less well known is “baby daddy trauma,” which refers mostly to domestic or other violence committed by a baby daddy. “Drama” and “trauma” don’t begin to describe all the issues included in the Baby Mama Syndrome.
What is The Baby Mama Syndrome?
Dictionary definitions of syndrome often describe “a constellation of” symptoms, things, events etc. related to a certain condition. A syndrome is also defined as “a predictable pattern” of circumstances, behaviors, events etc. associated with a particular social condition. Unwed pregnancies and births are the social condition we’re dealing with here.
I define the Baby Mama Syndrome as the constellation of circumstances, people, relationships, behaviors, and negative effects related in any way to two people making a baby together when they are not married to each other. It is not a medical or psychological diagnosis, although some of the negative effects on individual baby daddies and especially on baby mamas and their children can be both psychological and medical.
Can we simplify that definition?
I’ll try. The Baby Mama Syndrome starts with two people who are not married to each other conceiving a child together.
The Baby Mama Syndrome involves the baby mama, the baby daddy, their biological relatives and in-laws, as well as other baby mamas and baby daddies with “ties” to the baby mama or baby daddy, plus friends, the police, the court system, society, taxpayers, and, of course, the child.
The Syndrome includes any behavior by any of those people or institutions that would not have happened if the baby had never been conceived. It can also include living arrangements, employment, and lifestyle. In fact, it includes just about anything related to the two unmarried parents.
We all suffer from the Baby Mama Syndrome. The number of illegitimate births in our country every year is huge, and this phenomenon has changed our culture forever, with lasting negative effects on individuals (especially the children), governments, and society.
OK, so that’s not very simple. Try again.
We start with two people who are not married to each other having sex resulting in the female getting pregnant. Well, that’s not really the start. Let’s look at the five components of my definition of the Baby Mama Syndrome, starting with “circumstances.”
Circumstances
Celebrities like Kim Kardashian, Halle Berry, and Dwight Howard make unwed pregnancies look like no big deal. But celebrities often have lots of money to help solve their problems, although their wealth isn’t always enough.
Most baby mamas and baby daddies are poor, can’t afford health care for themselves or their children, and have trouble putting food on the table. Many have to live with parents or grandparents. A large proportion of them didn’t intend to make a baby at all.
They may be in committed relationships, just dating, or hooking up the night they meet. They may be married to someone else and make a baby while having an extramarital affair.
People
Baby mamas may be children themselves or in their forties, and baby daddies can be any age from puberty on up. A quarter of a million teen-agers became baby mamas last year, some of them for the second, third, and even fourth times.
Baby mamas and baby daddies can be any race, ethnic group, or religion.
A shocking array of people may be brought into the troubles of baby mamas and their baby daddies. The baby mama many times is in conflict with some other woman who is seeing the baby daddy or has a child with him. The other woman is her “romantic rival,” according to academic experts.
Friends, neighbors, the older children of one of the parents, relatives, even strangers can get caught up in the problems. The police are called, a judge puts one or both parents in jail or on probation, court staff and child support enforcement personnel have to deal with them, and social workers such as child protective investigators are brought in.
And, obviously, there is always at least one baby. These people and the agencies they work for may be part of a particular Syndrome, but all of them are part of the Syndrome we as a society and as taxpayers suffer from.
Relationships
One of the biggest problems in the Baby Mama Syndrome is that relationships between baby mamas and baby daddies are often fleeting and unstable, and new boyfriends and girlfriends move in and out of the homes to the detriment of the kids.
Besides the intimate partner relationship between the two unmarried parents, “relationships” in the Baby Mama Syndrome include any connection any person or agency may have with the baby mama or baby daddy. Romantic rivals, friends, grandparents, strangers, hookups, neighbors, the parents’ other children, current and ex-spouses, live-in boyfriends and girlfriends, fellow workers and bosses, anyone connected in any way with either the baby mama or baby daddy can get caught up in their drama.
Behaviors
As time goes on I will introduce you to the wild and often bizarre behaviors of some baby mamas and baby daddies and the others brought into the drama. One woman stalking another is commonplace, especially by phone or on social media like Facebook. Domestic violence occurs frequently. The children may be abused emotionally, physically, or sexually.
Some parents have little interest in raising children; others can’t or won’t support the kids. Baby mamas account for 85% of abortions each year in this country. Some baby mamas or baby daddies drink excessively or abuse drugs, and their behavior can lead to abuse, abandonment, or neglect of their children.
Negative effects
If you’ve read this far, you get the idea. I have written and will write many thousands of words spelling out in detail the negative effects of the Baby Mama Syndrome. Those effects are the unfortunate fallout from a culture that no longer values marriage as a necessary step before making babies, and of several years in which 40% of all babies born in this country have had mothers who were not married and probably didn’t want the babies in the first place.
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